Why yelling is a lose-lose for everyone and what to do instead

From commanding to invitation for better cooperation and problem solving with your kids.
smart parenting toolkit apparently

Yelling is a lose-lose for everyone, and if I’m being honest…it’s so 90s. So why do we do it?

Call it shouting, demanding, telling or even the worst of the worst (punishment), these tried-and-not-so-true tactics all come down to…control. In the heat of the moment, it feels like the only way. The louder we get, the more they’ll get it? Fortunately, no. And the experts definitely agree.

Yelling is not only ineffective in the moment, but it’s damaging to our kids in the long run. A clinical psychologist asserts that they “release biochemicals that say fight, flight or freeze. They may hit you. They may run away. Or they freeze and look like a deer in the headlights. None of these are good for brain formation.”

Enter: intention

Believe it or not, unlearning these bad habits is quite simple. It starts with intention. A good place to start is by asking, “What is your long term goal of parenting? Is it to raise compliant adults or kids who can communicate and problem solve?”

Knowing where you’re headed is half the work. Then, comes the practice (not perfection) of unlearning + learning smarter tools for kicking bad habits to the curb. In our free Smart Parenting Toolkit, we joined up with positive parenting coach Janell Bitton to give us a primer on the magic of inviting vs. commanding for greater ease of problem solving and cooperation.

Get your free copy here and start reframing!

Written by Tiffany Wen

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on email

You may also like

Parent Smarter, Not Harder

Sign up for Apparently to get your weekly dose of edutainment (in less time than it takes for your teen to do the dishes).